I seldom discuss

I seldom discuss. I used to with almost everyone, now it is very rare.

To discuss a topic means that one is open; that there is harmony between the ones holding a discussion, a harmony based on respect. Every discussion no matter how banal a subject may appear, engages the mind and hence must be honest. By exchanging ideas, one enters into confidence and reveals himself. And I repeat, no matter the subject matter.

To discuss, one should thus be present, fully present, aware of the other, his gestures and eyes and voice, his degree of attention and his thoughts. But it has to be both ways, otherwise the limits that so often isolate a person from another strengthen rather than wither.

Without candidness on all parts, our words run into mud, stall and little of their meaning gets through. If the heart is not open, there will be no current and there will be no light. Each will remain alone with his ideas and opinions, and little would have actually been achieved on the path of knowledge or wisdom.

As I said, the subject that is being discussed has no impact on the process because honesty and openness should always prevail. If you are exchanging ideas on how to make the best omelet, do so. Listen to the other, learn, explain. If you are discussing a political or a social issue, do so as well. We are in control of our words and we must make the effort to listen, to establish a real exchange. Convincing the other is never the aim of a discussion. Rather a discussion is an exchange. If one changes his mind, fine; if not, fine as well; at least both communicated and there was real human contact.

I have so often felt alone during a discussion, and I do not enjoy the sound of my own voice echoing in the void. So now, I do not discuss anymore and retreat in silence. It takes a most special person to get me to actually discuss a subject, and I am grateful to have a few of those in my life.


19 thoughts on “I seldom discuss”

  1. From observation listening is an art. Many identify with mind alone and instead of listen parrot away with reaction instead of being silent within allowing the listener to absorb what is being said on all levels mind emotion and body. Being identified with ego makes many incapable of being open to new thought forms and rely on cycled thought neuropathy that is ingrained habitually i completely agree with you it is better to travel alone in life if one is unable to find peers that perceive life insightfully towards harmony.

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  2. We had some great discussions in college, Kenza; and I hope that when we meet again, we will have another one. Sending you many Greetings from New York City.

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  3. i read in a book by Hazrat Inayat Khan, that when you say to someone “I can’t understand” it means your heart is closed. I love your words here – i pray for an open heart that can rise above mental conceptions and hold the universe as a mother holds her only child. Thank You for everything you say and write – it means a lot to me…..a hundred thousand miles away, you touch my heart gently with a smile, each time.

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  4. Your welcome true exchanges are becoming rare for fear of being vulnerable many shelter their true feelings, I value authentic human interactions though I must say their becoming finite, though any interaction is welcomed and warming when received fully i feel or suspect that deep down inside most yearn for conversations that illuminate what we really see and feel at the core of our being thus when those interactions remain unmanifested it seems like the world is a bit monotone but i found that meditating, centers doubt and brings about a new way seeing the world. Since very few desire to speak on a deeper i found art and poetry to be a subtle way of expressing my inner world and detaching my self from seeking any outside affirmation though thats just my perspective and in no way desire anyone to see the world as i do, knowing we are all unique unto ourselves. I look forward towards more of your posts i find them insightful.

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  5. It is not uncommon to find self lost in moments of seemly disconnection after speaking, “Did I, once again, fail to use the right words, deafen the other with nonverbal elements, or… was my contributions off the mark, socially inappropriate?” And the doubts go on… Yet, I often disregard any notion of similarity in another speaker.

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    1. Words seem futile and can appear to be misleading the listener even with good intent can unintentionally confuse the original concept words together with body language can feel like a double edged sword. To move without burning is not a way of being that arrives without doubt and all in betweens i doubt two people will ever be similar even in thoughts, for the mind is like a river, its always in current motion even dreams. The self is drifting in thoughts like a log in a river when one steps out of the river the current no longer pulls only the can one swim in the dynamic mainframe without being burned.

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      1. ‘…the mind is like a river…” When in meditation, I find that my mind dives into a stream of imagination and my consciousness becomes suspended until my meditation bell beckons me back to my breath. I think words in conjunction with each person’s history and the emotional tone of the conversation may also pull each of us into currents of memory, understanding, intention…that may run parallel, but never intermingle. The feeling and thinking of another is unknown to us—we can’t truly know or feel another’s pain, happiness, etc., we can only surmise by what we see and feel. We are often hazy in knowing ourselves. I also am coming to realize that each of us are like a river…currents of being constantly changing. I do enjoy exchanges of though such as this. Thank you, Mapa.

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      2. The feeling is mutual exchanges that peel at the onion of the human condition in order to understand the interwoven tapestry of this paradigm eludes. I gave my word to kenza to be minimal with comments thus ill end it here. If you ever welcome it i would enjoy exchanging my experiences during meditation as well. Take care.

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  6. your words speak my heart…to find others willing to cast aside all masks, the ego, is a blessing indeed…and to speak heart to heart, a true miracle. Thank you for always bringing your heart to your pen…can’t escape feeling the connections you are weaving. *sunlight through clouds*

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